A lesson in self reliance

It is a cold thought. This is the thought that one day the only person you'll be left with is yourself.

This evening, a friend dropped by my room and we had a short but dense chat about many things. We talked about the concept of love, those we loved, those we wished would love us as we love them.

We talked about trust, dependence, emotions and their impacts.

She mentioned how she is proud of me. how she is proud that I am so self reliant, that I do not trust others to solve my problems, that if there was ever a problem with a solution; I would find it, and not stop until I did.

i find it interesting that this is something that would be considered a good quality. is it such a good thing that I trust no one, and would not leave an important task to another, or allow someone else to keep a secret of mine close to their hearts. It really comes down to the harsh reality that I have made myself hard to hurt, hard grasp and twist. I have made is so that it is difficult for another to cause my heart pain. It is disturbing that this is apparently a quality to be desired. In making myself, my heart, and my being, a fortress of iron and steel, i have made it so I cannot be truly known. Very few people know me, truly know me. There are very few people I would trust with my heart or the aspects of who I am.

I embrace no one, so that the needles in my pincushion heart will not be pushed in deeper.


Apparently a desirable trait.
Stability has a price.


Andre.